I Guess I’m the Guy Who Puts Himself Last

Big epiphany with morning coffee

This seems like an odd thing to write an article about, but it hit me hard this morning and I can’t stop thinking about it. I put myself last. People are out there arguing over who gets the vaccine first, and I’m fine with all of them getting it before me. Constant fights over who gets the college scholarships and high-paying jobs, and those things do sound nice of course, but it doesn’t bother me if I’m last in line. I’ve often been quite poor, but rarely applied for food stamps or unemployment, and never felt it was important for me to have access to those things over other people. Same with trying to get some kind of disability for mental illness — I have a history of psychiatric hospitalization and a very “neurodivergent” (nee crazy) way of thinking, but I’d rather that government money go to someone who really needs it. Someone other than me, that is. I put myself last.

A lot of folks hold this as an ideal. Why is that, I wonder? Some would call it Christian Charity, taking care of the other members of the congregation and donating one’s excess money at the weekly collection plate. Some I think would identify this as an ideal of Manhood, sweating for your wife and kids, giving your best friend the shirt off your back. It’s also there in an old-fashioned ideal of Womanhood, a poor mother waiting till her kids are full before she starts eating, staying up all night sewing her husband’s shirt; and in the old-fashioned ideal of Childhood, obeying Mom and Dad…